{"id":30215,"date":"2015-04-10T00:00:18","date_gmt":"2015-04-10T00:00:18","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.metalforcesmagazine.com\/site\/?p=30215"},"modified":"2015-06-01T19:15:44","modified_gmt":"2015-06-01T19:15:44","slug":"album-review-crossplane-masturboned","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.metalforcesmagazine.com\/site\/album-review-crossplane-masturboned\/","title":{"rendered":"CROSSPLANE – Masturboned (2015) | Album \/ EP Reviews @ Metal Forces Magazine"},"content":{"rendered":"

CROSSPLANE
Masturboned<\/strong><\/span>
\n\"\"
\n7hard (2015)<\/span>
Rating: 8.5\/10<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

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I had to chuckle when I first put this album on, but only because the vocals slightly reminded me of comedy band Bad News\u2019 Vim Fuego (Adrian Edmondson). Other than that though, this is a rollicking release from a German band that sounds like Mot\u00f6rhead and doesn\u2019t care.<\/p>\n

Yep, this is completely bereft of originality, but at times you should just need to kick back, open a can and rock hard, and Crossplane will no doubt be more than willing to provide the oily soundtrack to your drunken evening. <\/p>\n

Masturboned<\/em> just hits me where it hurts from the off, digging its teeth in like a rabid dog and not once letting go as we\u2019re battered and bruised by 16 no frills, Mot\u00f6rhead-esque biker songs. I hear so much of this sort of stuff and a majority of bands opting for such a devilish and slamming air of belligerence tend to fail miserably, but these guys are not only insistent on getting your attention but do so with ease.<\/p>\n

Literally every track on this album is accessible from the very first listen; each number showcasing a bony bass rattle, a galloping drum slicked in grease, a primitive dirt-grimed guitar and above all a gnarly vocal smirk that just spits rust and nails into your eyes. How can an album sound so familiar, so vintage and leathery and yet remain so damn enjoyable as if it were the last party on earth? Indeed, Crossplane are without a shadow of a doubt heirs to the Mot\u00f6rhead throne; while that may sound like an exaggerated accolade, just one spin of this record is proof.<\/p>\n

If Mot\u00f6rhead lumped together their most belligerent and riveting tracks then it would most certainly sound like this. Crossplane drive the same juggernaut of justice into the ears and through the brain \u2013 leaving a sorry mess on the carpet with the brilliantly infectious \u2018Brave New World\u2019, which exhibits the sort of iron gang menace a majority of modern bands could only dream of concocting. \u201cFuckin\u2019 brave new world\u201d<\/em> come the vocal barks. It can\u2019t get any simpler, but holy shit it\u2019s brilliantly bruising. \u2018Crossplane\u2019 is a cranked up mix of \u2018Ace Of Spades\u2019 and German thrash; anthemic cries of \u201cRock and roll, rock and roll\u201d<\/em> ring through the ears like the after effects of a rusty cotton-bud as the drums take on a thrash premise over that gruesome driving guitar. <\/p>\n

The title track is the gnarliest of all, growling and salivating like a frothing Rottweiler right up until the catchy chorus, yet throughout there\u2019s that punk attitude as sweat drips from each instrument and waterfalls of rust continue to pour from the larynx and the bass rumbles like a Sherman tank. Hard to believe that these foetid dogs of war can just so effortlessly rip out 16 tracks; no filler but more a case of driller killer as \u2018Down\u2019 rages hard, \u2018Rock \u2018N\u2019 Roll Medicine\u2019 hammers in typical German fashion \u2013 clinical yet pounding and glinting with melody \u2013 \u2018Bumsucker\u2019 speeds with hostility, and \u2018Sweet Little Rockabella\u2019 applies extra layers of sleaze and steaming melody. And when this assault is over, we realise we\u2019re not even halfway through! <\/p>\n

Boy though, do the grime-busting gut-crunchers keep on rolling like empty beer cans on a windy street. \u2018Magical Queen\u2019 is a punked up riotous bop, \u2018Maneater\u2019 is another destructive German blitz, and \u2018We Want More\u2019 a dark, brooding number initially before the drums come banging in like another furious headache. And so with the last quartet of brain stirrers, we know what\u2019s coming and yet we still hop on for the ride, whipped up into frenzy by the time the likes of \u2018Psycho\u2019, \u2018Time Machine\u2019 and \u2018Real Life\u2019 have had their feed like ravenous wolves who remain latched to the bones long after the flesh has been devoured. <\/p>\n

Arguably one of the most drunken, high energy, balls-out records to be released in the last decade, Masturboned<\/em> is the sort of album you hope will blow up your speakers and reduce your stereo to a pile of ash. And if it doesn\u2019t, then you clearly are not worthy to witness this ferocious beast of German metal.<\/p>\n

Neil Arnold<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

CROSSPLANEMasturboned 7hard (2015)Rating: 8.5\/10 I had to chuckle when I first put this album on, but only because the vocals slightly reminded me of comedy band Bad News\u2019 Vim Fuego (Adrian Edmondson). Other than that though, this is a rollicking release from a German band that sounds like Mot\u00f6rhead and doesn\u2019t care. Yep, this is […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[24,2123],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-30215","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-album-ep-reviews","category-crossplane"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.metalforcesmagazine.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/30215","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.metalforcesmagazine.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.metalforcesmagazine.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.metalforcesmagazine.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.metalforcesmagazine.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=30215"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.metalforcesmagazine.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/30215\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":30219,"href":"https:\/\/www.metalforcesmagazine.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/30215\/revisions\/30219"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.metalforcesmagazine.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=30215"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.metalforcesmagazine.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=30215"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.metalforcesmagazine.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=30215"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}